Lessons in impermanence

I have been fortunate enough in the past 22 1/2 years to not have lost anyone close to me-- family, friends-- due to untimely death or other unforseen circumstances. In addition, most of the times I've been physically distant for long periods of time away from the people I deeply care about have been of my own choosing.

So these past few weeks have been wrecking havoc on my soul. Since I last wrote about graduation, I've bid farewell to three more middle school third-year classes. I've only been teaching them for about 7 months, and quite sporatically because of my school rotation schedule.... but I was surprised at how close I got to some of the students in that time.

Of course, graduation was inevitable. But in the past few days, I found out that a lot more people that I've gotten close to are going away, too.

Yesterday, notices for teacher transfers came out. I think I mentioned them before, but public school teachers in Japan can be and are transferred between schools on a fairly regular basis. There are a loose set of rules-- many non-island teachers usually only teach on islands for 4 years, for instance, and in my experience teachers usually stay in one school for at least a 2-3 years-- but the rules aren't always followed.

I still don't know-- and probably won't know for some weeks until I get around to visiting all of my schools again-- all of the transfers that are taking place. I do know, however, that my favorite middle school JTE is being transferred to a school in the southern part of the island. She always invites me to enkais, I've spent the night at her house, and we've even traveled to Fukuoka together for a weekend. I have a lot of Japanese aquaintences, but so far she is the only person who could qualify as a friend. [I'm working on changing this... but man... the language is such a huge barrier.] Knowing-- or thinking that I knew-- she would be around for another year was one of big secondary factors in deciding to recontract and stay in Tsushima another year. A girl needs lady-friends, and she understands me more than anyone else I've met here.

And now, completely unexpectedly, she's going away. Granted, it's only the southern part of the island-- 2 hours away and, really, no further than the southern ALTs with whom she'll now work-- but I so looked forward to the 3 days a month that I'd be at her school and we would teach together. It helped to keep me sane when I was at the other schools. I have no idea who is going to replace her... it's always good to keep positive thoughts, I guess. The unexpectedness is the hardest part... looking back and realizing that we've already taught our last class together... that we'll never again exercise together during breaks in the teacher's room. I will see her again-- I'm going in a few days to help her pack some of her things, and I've been invited to the farewell party-- but our working relationship is done.

I can now more deeply appreciate how graduation is meant more for family, friends, ~and~ teachers than it is for graduates. I had a farewell party last night that took the form of the departing teacher 'graduating'-- complete with parody speeches from the PTA and the local education authorities-- which was both touching and fun. I hope the farewell party for my JTE-friend goes as well.

On top of the graduating seniors and barrage of teacher transfers, quite a lot of students-- the children of various teachers, although I've only recently make some of the connections-- will also be departing this remote corner of the island, many for mainland Nagasaki. I've been hearing about those kids at odd moments, and it always throws me. Just today I was shopping-- picking up garbage bags, of all things-- and one of my most endearing kids, a 5th grade special ed student, came up to say hello. He also said that he was going to Nagasaki soon. In retrospect, he could have meant for a trip... I couldn't understand the particulars, and his mother pointedly ignored my presence... but his body language suggested a note of finality, like it might be the last time we saw each other. I tried to say good-bye, ended up waving madly, and made a dash for the cat food isle, where I promptly dissolved into tears.

Do teachers get used to this? Am I being overly-sensitive or worrisome about what will happen to my students? ...probably. I've always kept an eye out for my special ed kids, though, because they are so loving and open, and I don't want to see other kids excluding them or being mean. Most of my special ed kids wouldn't understand why they were being treated differently, if they noticed at all... but it's one of the few things that I can do something about. There are so many bad things that happen in some of my schools that I have no power to change... but I can include my special ed kids in whatever I'm doing.

If I had known that having so many students and teachers leave would be this difficult, I may have more seriously considered not recontracting. I couldn't even bring myself to ask my neighbors today-- all teachers at one of my elementary schools-- if any of them are leaving.

I'm thankful that it's a long weekend (the first day of spring qualifies as a national holiday) and I have some extra time to decompress and ruminate on the the deep but fleeting relationships inherent to a teacher's life.